The Best bust hardest decision of my life

"I'm taking a gap year"

"Wow"

"Are you sure"

"Motun, I think you are being impulsive" 

Well, I probably was. 

Less than a month after one of two of the most heartbreaking defining moments of my life thus far, I decided that there was something I was missing and that I was most definitely not settling for less.That weekend, Friday afternoon November 20th 2015, I got rejected to study Law with European studies at Oxford University, ending my year long dream. The following Monday, I was to receive another rejection to study Law at University College London which would put me in a total state of despair , confusion and with absolutely no sense of direction.

So, here I was,  telling my Family, Friends and Teachers of my decision to take a year out. 

If you are Nigerian, you might understand how difficult this must have been. Growing up in an environment where the only option after A-levels was university, I was thrown into unfamiliar territory, alongside my family and friends and it was understandably very difficult for many to understand my decision, let alone the fact that I wasn't entirely sure on what I was going to spend this year out doing. 

Thankfully, God gave me really supportive parents, however they too had many questions to ask which more than often led to my defensiveness, mainly because I had no idea how to answer most, if not all of the questions as I too was trying to figure it all out. As the Head Girl of my A-level school with amazing GCSE's and great A-level predictions, my teachers and most of the members of my extended family expected more from me. They couldn't comprehend why I'd "disrupt my path" with a gap year. 

The pressure to live up to everyone else's expectations led to many unnecessary tears being shed. What many didn't understand was that the decision was already hard enough to take, let alone come to terms with. I have always been a planner, who seemed to have everything lined up and sorted for tomorrow, a gap year was certainly not in the plan. So, this was equally hard for me. I'm sure by now, many of you are asking yourselves, if it was that hard, then why did you take it? Well, for me, there was more to it than wanting to reapply to my top choice universities. *spoiler alert* Fast forward a year ahead, November 2016, I will yet again be rejected from both universities leaving me with no choice but going to the university I had long been running away from. God works in mysterious ways and I will do a follow up post on how that came about . I took this gap year because I was no longer certain of the path I had been planning for myself for the last 3 or so years. I was not sure of what I wanted to study and at the time of my initial application in 2015, I had become so chocked up in all the chaos of life that it was impossible that I had given my all to my applications. So, long story short, I wanted to give it my best shot and know that I was not settling for less due to all the mistakes that had been made. 

That may not be a good enough reason for you but, it was for me and ever since, I have been on one of the most propelling journey's of my life. 

That was just the beginning, stay tuned for more...

Love always 

Motunrayo